So...I'm balls deep into Mass Effect 3, going about my business of being Commander Space Jesus, as is my want...When I stumble upon...this.
She's a staff member at IGN, I am going to assume. Her character is a sleepy looking Hooters girl with bad posture and a delivery just about as dry as Shepards romantic dialogue in the first Mass Effect.
After the above linked scene after meeting her, I had to ask myself "Cool, but...why?"
No offense to Miss Chobot but...I was more excited when I unlocked Cheapy D of Cheap Ass Gamer podcast fame as a homie in Saints Row 3. Or even Felicia Day as Veronica from Fallout: New Vegas. At least they as characters contributed something to the overall game other than being a percentage unlike Miss Chobots performance.
If she had been a Squad Member, I think I'd have been more accepting. But not in that tank top. That is not battle appropriate.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
You know how most times, you forget what you dream about as soon as you wake up? How you'll have some seriously epic dreams, and as soon as you come out of it, everything just turns to haze? Happens to me all the time. I KNOW I have dreams. I can recall flitting instances. But then it's all gone. Just because my first thought when I woke up was "I have to take a leak."
Well, not long ago, maybe two days ago, they all came rushing back to me. All the dream sequences I ever woke up with any clear remembrance of came back to me as though somewhere in my psyche where they keep this stuff stowed away, the dam burst and it all came flooding back to me. It was almost too much for me too handle. Had to sit down. I recalled the rolling and spiraling green and foggy mountains of the bizarre mountainside resorts. I remembered the strange geometric shapes of the office building that was slowly fill with water. I replayed the legendary "Walrus Nubs" Dream. I even got a few scenes of the "Saving the tiny Victorians from Evil Doc Brown from the house of David Bowie" dream, just to name a few.
If I took all of the dreams that I could remember, and compiled them into a sort of story, it would make Doctor Seuss look like Doctor Zhivago. A strange series of locations morphing into and out of each other, like when Tokyo, Japan morphed into an Art Deco version of my native Coolidge, Arizona, or when London slipped into a dusty part of Mexico. With stories that make no sense but seemed drastically important at the time, like racing the streets of the aforementioned London-turned-Mexico, trying to find a place to take a leak, but everywhere I turned, there was someone watching me.
All this and it would STILL be a better love story than Twilight.
Well, not long ago, maybe two days ago, they all came rushing back to me. All the dream sequences I ever woke up with any clear remembrance of came back to me as though somewhere in my psyche where they keep this stuff stowed away, the dam burst and it all came flooding back to me. It was almost too much for me too handle. Had to sit down. I recalled the rolling and spiraling green and foggy mountains of the bizarre mountainside resorts. I remembered the strange geometric shapes of the office building that was slowly fill with water. I replayed the legendary "Walrus Nubs" Dream. I even got a few scenes of the "Saving the tiny Victorians from Evil Doc Brown from the house of David Bowie" dream, just to name a few.
If I took all of the dreams that I could remember, and compiled them into a sort of story, it would make Doctor Seuss look like Doctor Zhivago. A strange series of locations morphing into and out of each other, like when Tokyo, Japan morphed into an Art Deco version of my native Coolidge, Arizona, or when London slipped into a dusty part of Mexico. With stories that make no sense but seemed drastically important at the time, like racing the streets of the aforementioned London-turned-Mexico, trying to find a place to take a leak, but everywhere I turned, there was someone watching me.
All this and it would STILL be a better love story than Twilight.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I want to straggle the alarm clock.
I hate alarm clocks.
Actually I take that back. I have nothing against alarm clocks. They serve their function faithfully, and without questions, that purpose being to emit a loud noise at a precise moment in time.
What I hate, is my bodies unnatural ability to wait up five minutes before the alarm is set to go off. And it happens a lot.
If you wake up in the middle of the night of your own volition, like say two hours before you need to be awake, you can say "cool, I can sleep a bit longer". But when your bastard brain wakes you up just minutes before the party is set to start, what's the point of laying your head back down? May as well get up five minutes early. Doesn't stop me from stealing a few minutes of snuggle time with my quilt and pillow, but it's the principal of the matter.
What the hell?
So I looked it up.
From: http://www.biotele.com/facts.html
- The "natural alarm clock" which enables some people to wake up more or less when they want to is caused by a burst of the stress hormone adrenocorticotropin. Researchers say this reflects an unconscious anticipation of the stress of waking up.
Well, son of a bitch, I figured I was the type to overstress.
Actually I take that back. I have nothing against alarm clocks. They serve their function faithfully, and without questions, that purpose being to emit a loud noise at a precise moment in time.
What I hate, is my bodies unnatural ability to wait up five minutes before the alarm is set to go off. And it happens a lot.
If you wake up in the middle of the night of your own volition, like say two hours before you need to be awake, you can say "cool, I can sleep a bit longer". But when your bastard brain wakes you up just minutes before the party is set to start, what's the point of laying your head back down? May as well get up five minutes early. Doesn't stop me from stealing a few minutes of snuggle time with my quilt and pillow, but it's the principal of the matter.
What the hell?
So I looked it up.
From: http://www.biotele.com/facts.html
- The "natural alarm clock" which enables some people to wake up more or less when they want to is caused by a burst of the stress hormone adrenocorticotropin. Researchers say this reflects an unconscious anticipation of the stress of waking up.
Well, son of a bitch, I figured I was the type to overstress.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I'm not fat, I'm just a Hobbit.
At 27 years old, I'm not as fat as I might think I am. Over the last few years, I've heard time and time again that I'm losing weight. I usually remain unconvinced of this when I look down as see this spherical bulge eminating from my person.
I never call myself fat, though. That would be a relatively defeatist way of going about it. I very much prefer to call myself "Hobbity". However, at 5'8, 5'9, depending on what convenience store I'm leaving, I'm pretty tall for a halfling.
I don't let my weight become a fixture of my day, and I really try to not take crap from people about it either. My sister and mother are probably the worst. Yeah yeah, I know they're family and mean well, but unlike them, I haven't mastered the fine art of sucking up nutrients from the air, so you'll excuse a guy for wanting to eat. My mother is also notorious for putting work in priority to her health, so as much as I love the woman to death, I take her advice with a grain of salt.
I never call myself fat, though. That would be a relatively defeatist way of going about it. I very much prefer to call myself "Hobbity". However, at 5'8, 5'9, depending on what convenience store I'm leaving, I'm pretty tall for a halfling.
I don't let my weight become a fixture of my day, and I really try to not take crap from people about it either. My sister and mother are probably the worst. Yeah yeah, I know they're family and mean well, but unlike them, I haven't mastered the fine art of sucking up nutrients from the air, so you'll excuse a guy for wanting to eat. My mother is also notorious for putting work in priority to her health, so as much as I love the woman to death, I take her advice with a grain of salt.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The Human Ideal
This list is composed of things that I've deduced are the qualities expected of a person from Employers, Teachers, Religions, and others combined.
-Does not drink
-Does not smoke
-Does not have impure thoughts
-Does not fool around
-Observes perfect eating habits
-Accepts and completes all objectives given to him or her
-Does not complain nor expresses discontent
-Is always cordial and respectful, even in the face of adversity
-Excercises regularly
-Saves themselves for marriage
-Does not watch Reality Television
-Does not watch Television in general
-Gives time to non-profit organizations
-Recycles
-Does not sleep in or stay up late, observing a consistant sleep schedule
-Is always on time, with zero margin for error
-Has endurance to withstand being on his or her feet for hours at a time
-Does not question the intentions or orders of his or her superiors
-Does not play video games
-Is available at all hours should anything need be done
-Observes the rules, and follows them to the letter
This, as far as I figured, is the ideal human being in terms of human society. Polite. Hard working. Sterile. Subordinate.
The perfect human is a machine.
-Does not drink
-Does not smoke
-Does not have impure thoughts
-Does not fool around
-Observes perfect eating habits
-Accepts and completes all objectives given to him or her
-Does not complain nor expresses discontent
-Is always cordial and respectful, even in the face of adversity
-Excercises regularly
-Saves themselves for marriage
-Does not watch Reality Television
-Does not watch Television in general
-Gives time to non-profit organizations
-Recycles
-Does not sleep in or stay up late, observing a consistant sleep schedule
-Is always on time, with zero margin for error
-Has endurance to withstand being on his or her feet for hours at a time
-Does not question the intentions or orders of his or her superiors
-Does not play video games
-Is available at all hours should anything need be done
-Observes the rules, and follows them to the letter
This, as far as I figured, is the ideal human being in terms of human society. Polite. Hard working. Sterile. Subordinate.
The perfect human is a machine.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Dreaming it.
My brother tends to annoy me when it comes to his dreams. Usually, his dreams involve foreign countries invading Arizona (and only Arizona mind you, we're apparently all that matters) and beating the shit out of me. One time, North Korea pulled up alongside me, kidnapped me, beat the living hell out of me and made me walk home from Superior...Like I wouldn't have stopped to use a phone in Superior.
I got mad at him eventually and forbade him from falling asleep watching the History channel.
My dreams are far more whimsical and fun. I dream of saving a group of tiny victorian people from an old man in a cape. Or exploring a London that looks a lot like Puerto Penasco, Mexico. Or, my favorite, tracking a jewel thief from Coolige, Arizona, to somewhere out in the middle of the desert, to an abandoned train depot...and suddenly ninjas.
Now which would you rather have? Grim and unnecessary foreign invasion dreams,or wild adventures with ninjas? Choose wisely.
I got mad at him eventually and forbade him from falling asleep watching the History channel.
My dreams are far more whimsical and fun. I dream of saving a group of tiny victorian people from an old man in a cape. Or exploring a London that looks a lot like Puerto Penasco, Mexico. Or, my favorite, tracking a jewel thief from Coolige, Arizona, to somewhere out in the middle of the desert, to an abandoned train depot...and suddenly ninjas.
Now which would you rather have? Grim and unnecessary foreign invasion dreams,or wild adventures with ninjas? Choose wisely.
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